A word to the men-folk.

There are a few things that I've learnt in the last week that I should have known.

If you are having a baby - and you're a man-dunce like myself - here're a few things you should know:

1. It's going to be emotional. Actually I already knew this, but it's worth repeating. Are you a grown man? You will cry.


2. The bump does not disappear overnight. This is an important thing to know. You should be glad I've warned you of this before you say anything insensitive like - oh, I don't know - "I didn't know we were expecting twins! When's the other one coming out?". These kind of statements can fall very heavily on emotional ears. There's no need to thank me.


3. Breast-feeding? Get some Savoy Cabbage in; It's good shit. Remember though: only to be applied topically; if you accidently consume it please contact your doctor immediately (or wash it down with a gin).


4. Breast-feeding? There're 2 stages. The first is the colostrum phase. During this phase you can swap between breasts willy-nilly (so to speak). The second is the milk phase. During this phase stick to one at a time as the good milk is the milk at the end of the feed.


5. Babies lose weight after being born! As if 7lb 12oz isn't light enough, Catrin went down to 6lb 12oz within a few days. This is normal. Following advice 4. will help baby get back up there.


6. The first poo resembles the black-tar stuff you see bubbling up at the beginning of X-Files: The Movie.


7. The green poo (it goes: Black - Green - Korma) smells like rancid cheese. You can prepare for this smell by either getting some cheese in and letting it go rancid, or getting some rancid cheese in. I know: I'm a genius.


8. Remember all those nights on the beer, pubbing and clubbing until 4 in the morning and then getting up at 6 in the morning to go to work? This is natures preparation for the late-nights ahead of you when you have a kid! If you are thinking of having a kid - or if your partner is already pregnant - the absolute best thing you can do is go clubbing every week-night! Remember though, clubbing isn't mandatory: you could mix it up with casino nights too!


9. 8. is actually very bad advice.


10. Just because you're a father now, doesn't mean you've suddenly got any good at shaving! (See pic)

Click on picture for more photos of baby! (What do you mean you're bored of the subject already?)