Hairy men are more valuable than hairy women.

Scrabble is a relaxing game of spirited word-play, right? WRONG! If you've ever played against me you'll know that Scrabble is a fiercely competitive game of naked aggression. The purpose of the game is to GET THE MOST POINTS, not to put down the prettiest words because nice words don't point. This is why no-one plays with me and I have to unleash my pent up feelings of scrabble unfulfillment here.

Those that have played against me will know my strategy - the only strategy - to win is to try to put down more than one word at once. The simple way of doing this is to use a suffix style letter (eg; 'S') in your word so it tails another word. (eg; putting "SPANK" at the end of "THONG".) The problem with this technique is that it only gives you the points of two words. I WANT MORE POINTS!

Clearly the solution is to run one word parallel above or below another, forming one big word, and many two-letter words. The problem with that is that there aren't many two-letter words, right? WRONG! There are 96 valid two-letter words that can be used. 96! Unfortunately they are not all in whatever dictionary we usually use for Scrabble (when we play it, which is never) and so I try to put this mind-bogglingly massive point score down that encompasses one normal word and four two-letter words, and I get challenged and - of course - have to remove my quality upper-cut of a word and have to put something shit down and thus spend the rest of the game sulking and shouting at people because I am a big fat girl.

For example, consider the word: "HIRSUTE". A nice word, probably scored some one a fair few points (especially as it's a 7-letter jobbie; extra 50 points right there thank-you). I would consider putting something like "MOTHERS" alongside "HIRSUTE" (With the "M" below the "I") for 6 extra two-letter words "IM", "RO", "ST", "UH", "TE" and "ER", giving me a pre-multiplier score of: 11 + 4 + 2 + 2 + 5 + 2 + 2 + 50 = 78. If the "H" was on a triple-letter this would be a pleasing 94 points.

If I tried this in a real game I would be asked to prove that "IM" is a word, and "ST" is a word and I would struggle .... UNTIL NOW! No longer will I be defeated in such a shallow way as this details all the 96 two-letter words that are legal valid and correct in Scrabble.

I can now prove that: "IM" is "I'M" which is a contraction of "I AM", which is allowed! Dan wins!

I can now prove that: "ST" is an exclaimation of impatience, which is ALLOWED! Dan wins!

Dan wins!

(Note: those finding the HIRSUTE MOTHERS concept a bit distasteful will be delighted to hear that MOTHERS can be easily substituted with FATHERS with equal validity and an increase in word score to 72! (hairy) Men are worth more than (hairy) women? Yes, it's a fact.)