White Hunter, Black Slug

After weeks of careful planning we executed our 'slug-sting' operation last night.

Waiting until the sun had gone down we sneaked out of the house knowing the prey's penchant for quiet dark lounges. We figured that the slug would wait for at least three hours after hubbub and light had disappeared, and then venture from its hiding place onto the rug to leave it's insidious messages of hate. This would take it - we guessed - another three hours to complete before it would slide home, giggling to itself like some evil slimy Hitler without any legs.

So after five hours of general feasting and merriment we - much like modern-day Hemingway's - burst back into the house to catch the bastard red-head-feelered.

That's right. We're bad.

Sister Ability

Apparently I owe Jenni sponsor money for this years race for life in Nottingham.

She claims to have done it, and has supplied this photo for proof, so who am I to argue?!

One question: why is your body more tanned than your face? HUH? Just what is your sun-bathing routine, you big freak?

It's the greatest film ever made

It doesn't get any better than this. It's like a perfectly made Plymouth and tonic to wash away the rancid antifreeze-and-snail-trail that was P******k.

Paycheck review.

500 word capsule review of Paycheck.

Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad

It's not good.

I feel the pain of everyone ..

This weekend involved a celebration of the Olympics; our very own Olympics involving golf, the 110metres, pool events, and much much more.

One of these quality events was - of course - electric shock roulette.

"Lucky" Dave had brought this fantastic device with him.

For those that don't know, electric shock roulette is a metallic disk with 4 ports that the contestants put their fingers in. A loud beeping then ensues and eventually one lucky punter gets a small electric shock. Fun, yes?!

You can see one here.

One of the first volunteers to play was our boy Ralph. We hit start and giggled. The beeps went for a bit and then stopped.

Nothing!

"Did anyone get shocked?" we asked.

"yes, it was me" says Ralph like nothing had happened.

We thought the toy must a dud until playing it again provoked much yelping and cursing by the shockee.

At that point we had much respect for Ralph:

Did he really shrug it off? .. yes, I guess he did.

Did it really not hurt?

You decide.

Dr Spock's for losers.

Last Saturday we spent with a bag-full of kids: Morwenna (4) and Tristan (some months, only a couple though) Jessica (3) and Molly (about a year).

Our mission: to entertain and wear them out before they wear us out.

It was a close thing.

It was only after the best part of a day that we discovered the best road to happiness and contentment is not letting yourself be chased on the beach (tiring), and is not going on this and that playground ride (also tiring), but is - in fact - a paper flower.

Parents, that's all you need to know.

Forget your seventh edition of "Dr Spock".

Forget those expensive unappreciated toys.

Paper flowers are the future of child-care.

Dan wins.

Click on the happy child to see more.

Stop me if you've heard it.

Met up with Andy from Fractured Axel as he kindly offered to help fix my kite .. well .. to fix my kite while I watch!

Also met Jason and Craig; all of them clearly excellent kite-flyers. It was amazing to watch what's possible with two bits of string and some sticks and sail (over-simplifying? Me?).

I had three reactions during the evening:
1) Wow!
2) I want to do THAT!
3) That's. not. possible.

.. actually I had a 4th reaction:
4) Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! .... um ..... sorry!

This reaction occured a lot when Andy let me fly his Outer Space, and Jason let me fly his Gemini and I accelerated both kites into the ground with loud THUMPs!

It was fun - just seeing the possibilities was pretty amazing - but I did feel the tadpole asking the frog how to jump! ... does that make sense? It's a bit Cantona: this Plymouth Gin is grrrrrrrrrreat!

Anyway, thanks guys for your generosity, help and tolerance!

Sentient Slug

It's disgusting to admit but since we got back off holiday we've been terrorised by a slug.

Before we went we found a slug on the lounge rug. Nasty stuff, but we deduced it had come from the chopped wood we had put in the fireplace. We killed it.

When we got back from holiday we found more trails. Bastard! We checked everywhere .. no sign. Maybe they were old trails.

One morning we found new trails, the most obvious snaking through the middle of Claire's sandals. Nice. We took the lounge apart and removed all the wood from the fireplace; must have been in there then.

Nothing for a few days. Then, this morning Claire found MORE trails but still no slug!

WHAT'S GOING ON? Is this slug AVOIDING US?!

It's like it waits for us to go to bed - or leave for work - and then PARTYS ON DOWN!

I just don't get it. It's not even like the trails lead anywhere, they just randomly cross each other and fade away.

Maybe it's an invisible slug? Maybe it's shy? Maybe it just knows what we're like?

It. Will. Die.

More kite nice-ness

After a few abortive attempts to fly the kite last week (mostly abortive due to lack of wind; there's nothing sadder than a 32 year old man wandering a park looking dejected because there's not enough wind to fly his new kite!) I finally managed to get it up on Eastney sea-front! Ooo-er and hooray!

Of course, after about an hour I managed to completely destroy another part of the kite, this time the spine. Arse!

Unable to find spare spines I put a cry-for-help on the Fractured Axel forums and within minutes I had a reply offering to help me out of my kite hole. (That sounds incredibly rude .. you know what I mean.)

Anyway, I thank all those involved, and it's another example of kite-related kindness.

Either that or I just generally deserve pity.

Or a bit of both.

... which was nice

Attempted some kite-flying on Sunday. Was going to get the kite out, but saw there was a couple of guys who really knew what they were doing, so chickened out and just sat around watching them.

Started chatting to them - Colin and Dave - and was prompted by Colin to get our kite out and he'll teach us what to do! RESULT!

An excellent 3 hours of kite tuition followed. Very kind of them.

Of course I got a little overconfident. Within 10 seconds of informing Claire that I really felt in control of the kite, I promptly nose-dived into the ground an shredded a spreader. This is kite-speak for snapping one of the sticks .. or a euphemism for .. well .. I don't know.

Either way, it meant game-over for the day, but it was such a good day. I have to thank Colin and Dave for their generous and patient tutorship, especially when confronted with such obvious inability to take instruction and general feck-wittery.